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October 8, 2023

King Solomon and Couples' Fighting

Do you have any guess about why the divorce rate is much lower among Jews than among practioners of other religions?
Indeed, that must be a consequence from a Talmud law for couples: "you will despise all memory of what you heard from your spouse in angry arguments!"
That law dates back to Shlomo's reign (Solomon).
In those sweet, ardent times when the Queen of Sheba was the favorite woman in the royal bed, not only because of 'le sue più belle naticche e la sua più calda figa' (sembrava la Maiella Abruzzese in mezzo alle sue gambe!) di Israele, but also for commanding very lively bunga-bungas (more lively than Berlusconi's), the following happened:
One Shabbat morning, on the eve of her period, in which the queen had not slept well, as the castle's lamps had run out of oil, the servants have tried unsuccessfully to refill them in the middle of the night, so making a disturbing noises.
Solomon, woken up in a hurry shortly after sunrise, couldn't even drink coffee, which prolonged his usual night owl mental confusion. He looked for the teapot on the bedside table, but it wasn't there, nor had the queen received hers.
Sheba, in a bad mood, shouted:
--"Schlomo, what kind of a king are you?! Go downstairs and put an end to this typical Jewish laziness, fire right now everyone from the pantry, since they're not even good enough to bring us a plain cup of coffee!"
Irritated by the Ethiopian's thick and bossy voice, the mindclouded king replied:
--"Why don't you go, big boss?! Get your horny ass out of the bed, and show that you're good for something in life besides fucking so pretty good!
Curses followed, increasingly louder and more serious, such as "Your mohel was blind and cut you too much"; or "have you ever been tighter", etc. Always with very low slang.
After so much rudeness and many loud shouts, the awakened Kohen Gadol (highest priest of Israel) left his room, invaded the royal chamber and shouted in that very serious tone of Moses' voice on Mount Sinai:
"Shlomo and Sheba, 'that's enough'!!! [the same 'THAT'S ENOUGH!' of Estelle Costanza in the sitcom 'Seinfeld' when she utters: "Frank, that's enough!"]:
"Erase forever all your memory of these angry screams, and go back to having sex RIGHT NOW! I ONLY don't forbid you the divine screams, howls, moans and roars of carnal pleasure that we all in this palace are so used to delighting in!"
The King and the Queen immediately and willingly accepted those wise, divine words of the supreme priest!
In such a way that this one, the Kohen, was able to watch EVERYTHING with great joy and excitement!

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